Monday, June 3, 2019

Dark Thoughts

    It felt like I was getting stabbed over and over again.

    What was it that I did, what was it that I said, what crime, what sin, just what did it take for the knives to pierce my heart, cut my flesh wide open, exposing my insides for the crowd to ridicule. No pain, no soreness, no agony.

    Only the never-ending despair.

    You, the one with the eyes of steel, shooting bullets with just one look. You, the one in control, taking over my thoughts as you please. Towering over me, strangling me, corrupting me. Weak under your spell, trapped in this loop of a nightmare.

    "This is not the end", you said, with a knife ready to spill blood.

    "I will not let it end", you uttered, the blade almost touching my throat.

    "You won't regret it", you claimed, a wound already forming where the metal met skin.

    A sharp inhale of breath. A rapid heartbeat. A hopeless scan of the surroundings. All eyes were on me, stripping me of my identity, stealing the last strand of trust I had left, ripping my humanity to shreds, tearing my senses apart, until I was no longer worthy of existing.

    Empty.

   "After all, you deserve all this", it whispered, and the smell of blood filled the room.


Medicine

    It was his smile.

    That look he gave me was enough to put my train of spiraling thoughts to a sudden halt. Eyes overflowing with pity, searching my face for any hint of sadness, exposing all the despair hidden within me. That look did everything to me, completely annihilating the hopelessness planted inside my head, turning my insides upside down, making my heart demand more, stealing the air within my lungs, holding on to the breath keeping me alive.

    One look was all that took him to shatter me.

    But he didn't know of the power he held in his small gestures.

    His brief smiles made me want more, craving for any sort of acknowledgement, torturing me with fake interest, drugging me with a sense of comfort, overdosing me with all sorts of thoughts.

    I've become addicted. To his smiles. To his one-time looks. To his mischievous eyes. To his mess of a hair.

    But he didn't know that.

    Just the thought of him eased my pain.

    He was a medicine with the deadliest side-effect.

You

    I saw you when I looked at the moon.     I heard you in the silence of the walk back home.     I felt you with every step I took.    ...